Bad Hair Day?
by mysterious advisor
Summary: Of grumpy mornings, hair products and evil RozenKreuz members who just can't keep their hands to themselves! R&R please...


Don't own Trinity Blood!

Based on a pretty old, yet extremely funny, idea of a former colleague of mine (she knows what I'm talking about).

* * *

Somewhere in Vatican. 07.00 A.M.

The sun was shinning, the birds were chirping… and Professor William Walter Wordsworth was on his way to the bathroom, in order to get ready for a lovely, quiet and very relaxing shower, right before the beginning of yet another day spent amongst the most bizarre, useful or not machines/devices/gadgets in the entire world. That is, until…

"Oh, good morning Professor. Can you please plug that in? I can't seem to reach…" a voice, one of what seemed to be an entire army of sleepy, messy and even smelly AX agents, asked.

"What are you all doing here?" William Walter Wordsworth groaned at the sight of his male co-workers… nearly all of them!

"Ui lwive hir?" Vaclav Havel spoke, his answer muffled by the toothbrush in his mouth.

"Mou, I'd have thought you a bit too old and wise – I pray – for such childish reactions?" the man spoke, even grumpier than at first, but got soon cut off by the loud noise of a hair-drier. Turning around, he saw the usually silent and stoic Sword Dancer frantically passing the hot currents through his long blonde mane… as soon as he got out all of the curlers stuck in it… for better support during the night. The Professor could only slap himself and hope he was still asleep… and having a nightmare. Unfortunately, the yelp of yet another one of his colleagues assured him that he was indeed awake, and standing in the middle of the common bathroom, the only one yet to react.

"And to think that only yesterday it was so quiet…"

"Damned conditioner… Perfect curls… Yeah right, next time I'm buying the German stuff. World criminals or not, at least they know their hair products…" Leon Garcia de Asturias groaned as he tried to pass a large brush through his black strands and failed miserably.

"Ugh, this is so impossible… O, good morning Tres. Finally, someone normal…" The Professor took hold of the last mirrored spot available, right next to the famous AX android. "Wait… Tres, what are you doing here?" The man stopped the toothbrush halfway to his mouth. The invincible agent turned to him with the normal blank face and half-lidded eyes, staring at the human as if he was mad or damn-right stupid.

"Socializing…" he merely answered.

"Huh?" For a man with twenty different specializations, he could really not find anything brighter to say in the given circumstances.

"You told me to listen to Father Nightroad and…" he took a short glance all around him. "Socialize…"

"Yes, well, I still believe that… but, the bathroom is not exactly the most common spot to be chosen in order to… well, socialize." Seeing how the android's face did not seem to allow even a hint of understanding, he continued. "For once, you don't generally need the bathroom."

"Affirmative. However, socializing is a phenomenon that can begin only in a highly populated place, during common activities of the same category of people."

"Tres-kun, can you pass the mousse please?" Without even looking away from the Professor, he offered a medium-sized can to whomever it was that asked him in the first place.

"I see…" The man seemed deep in thought for a second. "Ok then, carry on! But be careful with the plugs." He warned and finally used the toothbrush he had been holding for quite some time now.

"Damn it! I'm soo changing my shampoo brand too." Leon complained some more. Who would've thought that this tough, muscled man could be such a softie on the inside?

"Hmm, I should have asked Noelle for more wax…" Vaclav softly spoke, as he battle with a sticky plastic band. Unfortunately for him, he hadn't spoken soft enough, for every noise in the entire bathroom suddenly ceased and countless pairs of eyes turned to him with the light's speed. "It's for the special beard pattern. It's not like I can use normal razors you know…" he answered and the rumour began again.

"Positive." Tres' features seemed to express satisfaction for the first time since his creation/birth, as he smirked at himself, having noticed in the mirror than his usual spikes were just purrfect. William Walter Wordsworth stared at him once again, right before searching frantically for a certain object and letting out his frustrations in one scarry shout.

"Ok, who stole my smooth&silky gel?!"

* * *

Somewhere in Germany. 07.30 A.M. 

"Yes!" a single scream made all the RozenKreuz Order members grumble unhappily.

"Dietrich, it's your turn…" Basilisk turned to the other side of his bed, after having shouted the warning.

"I'm going, I'm going…" the youngest member of this weird and all-mighty anti-vampires/terrans/squirrels/etc. alliance got up from his bed, and, rubbing his eyes and holding tightly his teddy-bear in search for a bit of more warmth, went to their second-in-command bomber's room, only to find him jumping like a mad man on his bed.

"I got it! I got it! I got it! I got it!... I got it! I got it!" And twenty "I got it!"s later, Dietrich walked up to the bed, lifted an arm and pulled on their fearless leader's plait, in order to at least understand what this important treasure could be. Perhaps an elixir that could kill vampires at a mere touch? Or maybe a new means of torture.

"I got it! You got it! Now, what is it?" the youth asked a bit annoyed. He always hated when he was on duty… especially because he usually had to carry bottles of nitro-glycerine all night from the basement and back.

"Behold!" The over-enthusiast near-to-a-heart-attack mage held out a bottle half-filled with a strange bluish substance. "Professor William Walter Wordsworth's most important weapon! His special all-time smooth&silky gel! One touch of this, and any type of hair will remain completely straight and shiny all day!" Isaak Fernand Von Kampfer screeched in delight, ecstatic about something no one else seemed to quite grasp.

"Ok… can I go back to bed now?"

* * *

Somewhere on the other side of Vatican. 07.00 A.M. 

The sun was shinning, the birds were chirping… wait, who allowed the birds to chirp?

With the usual grumpy/stony/soon-to-be-filled-with-wrinkles face, Brother Petros sat up like a perfectly carved totem in his bed, as if trying to mentally prepare himself for a new day… or just the trip to the bathroom. Damn, why did he have to share that which is most important in a man's personal needs with others? And especially a kid and a frog-like creature. Ugh!

"Don't run in the hallways!" His voice barked, probably even awaking the Pope from his fairy-filled dreams. A moment later, he was answered with a loud splash coming from the same place he was headed. "How can you two bathe so early in the morning?" he groaned and walked into the large white hall.

With unusual calm, he brushed his teeth, washed his face and even shaved. And all this incredible harmony with the entire world lasted until…

Ping!

His eyebrow twitched as a strand, a single strand of bluish hair stood a bit up, deranging the rest of his amazingly straight and shiny-looking hair-do.

"Hmm… This ought to do it…" he grumbled and passed the brush once again through the strands.

Ping!

Twitch!

"Ok…" he took a deep breath and applied just the right amount of water on the correct area… Or so he hoped.

Ping!

Twitch twitch!

Splash!

Ping!

Twitch twitch twitch!

"Argh! That's it!" With angry gestures, he grabbed the closest thing in hand – unfortunately Sister Paula's white and fluffy bath robe – and began an angry march towards the bath house in the AX Headquarters, the last place where he could possibly find a solution to his problem. "Professor William Walter…!" he shouted as soon as he reached the correct place, and the male half of the AX Department suddenly found it hard not to burst out laughing at the sight.

"What?" a desperate cry came from the steamy hall, from the only man who no longer cared how his nemesis looked like.

"In spite of our anterior disputes and the obvious conflicts between the Inquisition Department and your own, I hope that you understand that I come here with peaceful thoughts and I only wish for bilateral understanding."

"What do you want?" Leon asked, by now half asleep.

"Just about ten millilitres of your special smooth&silky gel."

"I don't have it anymore! It was stolen."

"What??? I can't be!"

"And there is but one man who could have possibly performed this kind of operation!" Havel concluded with gravity, with Hugue nodding seriously besides him. "Isaac Fernand Von Kampfer."

"Let's get him!" Loud voices took over the entire bathroom, building and soon whole palace of Vatican.

"Kate, what's going on?" Cardinal De Medici, Caterina Sforza, asked her most trusted information source and close friend, while rubbing her temples.

"I believe that a truce has finally been reached between the Inquisition Department and the AX." The holographic image didn't delay even for a second.

"Really? How?"

"Well, milady, let's just say it involves hair gel and a mutual hatred towards a certain RozenKreutz member…"

* * *

Somewhere on the Mediterranean Sea. 08.00 A.M. 

"Good morning, Father!" a bright voice was heard on the ship's deck, as a fully-dressed nun emerged in the sunlight.

"Good morning, Sister… Oh, dammit…" Father Abel Nightroad greeted his younger female co-worker, right before letting out a yelp of displeasure.

"What is it, Father?" Esther Blanchett nearly ran to the (much) older man, only to find him with his hair untied and wielding a small brush. He looked up from his work, blue eyes filled with pain and tears, nose already sniffling.

"I've got split ends!"

* * *

There are several characters (three, to be precise) who only appeare in the novels (so far): Basilisk (from the RozenKreuz), and Brothers Andreas (either a child or a child-like Inquisition member) and Philippos (who looks weird, to say it mildly).

Apart from that, I hope that you won't flame me too much, but if you really want to... well, it's not like I can stop you or anything.

So click that little purple button below and do your thing ;)


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